It's not about us

Today was the first day we got to see what we've created together. Have a look at this little miracle. Our first baby! I'm so excited but I have a difficult time expressing it in the way I want. I want to hoot and holler but keep reserved. I'm sure you could tell by the look on my face during the ultrasound how amazed and really truly overwhelmed and thrilled I am. Those hands and feet, head and heartbeat were a thing of beauty. Baby you are the love of my life and I thank you for this gift. Very exciting times ahead.

Nothing compares to you

Thank you for all your love and support through everything. I could not have done this without your help. Time to focus on staying better and being happy.

Discovering Optimism

I've been studying a workbook related to Anxiety for the past few days. It has really opened my eyes to how I really am as a person. It can be a hard pill to swallow at times but I am fortunate to have figured some of these things out. One very important idea to keep in mind while doing this sort of self help study is to be honest with yourself. Understand that no person is perfect and we all struggle with personal demons in some way.

So what could you learn about yourself as an anxious or depressed individual? You are full of self defeating talk with a big fear of failure with continuous negative thoughts. To think of myself as a negative individual was difficult at first. But I am starting to understand that throughout my life I have been talking down to myself. A continuous bombardment of "you're not good enough." It's a slow process to learn that I am not perfect and mistakes will be made. It's part of life.

So what do I need to work on now? Replacing those negative thoughts with positive thoughts. How do you recognize it? Well it's a process and takes weeks and even a lifetime of practice to master. For someone who has been like this for more than 20 years it's going to be a difficult habit to break. It takes some courage and guts to change and get better.

1. You must learn to have compassion for yourself

2. You must learn to talk yourself out of being afraid

3. You must praise yourself and mean it

4. You must learn to talk to yourself in a relaxing, soothing and comfortable manner

5. You must learn to use positive dialogue instead of negative when you feel you have failed

6. You must learn how to stop negative thoughts and comments and replace them with positive ones

Just steps away

"There is no magic switch that turns the negative feelings off, but there is freedom in awareness."

In the past couple of weeks I have started on a personal journey that looked more like and ending rather than a beginning. At least at first glance. I have been suffering from a major anxiety disorder for many years and it is only until recently that I have finally found out what it is. I am a master at hiding this problem always hoping it would just one day fix itself. There are so many life lessons and rules that most parents just don't have for their children. So I am on a journey to learn them now for my children, friends, family and anyone else that may be in need of a friend who understands.

So many people in this world never have the opportunity to recognize that they may be suffering from anxiety or depression. They often get left behind in life while trying to figure things out for themselves. So in order to help in my recovery I am sharing this information with you. Maybe in the hope that you to will find your way.

On another wonderful note, I am getting married on July 17, 2010 to my wonderful partner Nicole who has been such a supportive person. If we could all be so lucky in life the world would be a much more peaceful place. Even in light of the life events unfolding she has stood strong with me knowing I can come through this as a much stronger individual. To my future wife. I love you dearly and wish you the best of life and love.

Merry Christmas

Has it really been a year? Wow. About 8 months to the wedding. How did time pass so quickly? Hope this year is full of happy times for you babe. The wedding, the start of our family and maybe a job change. This is going to be a busy one!

The Love I Feel

The love I feel when in your arms
Fills me with hope and protects from harm
It twists my heart and holds on tight
By every day and every night
It rips my soul in such good ways
Torments my mind and swallows my days
I never knew how much love hurt
How it opened my mind and got rid of the dirt
It opened me up to such glorious things
Even when it bites and the burden it stings
For you are the one I want to be with
All the rest of my life even after it quits

--David

Hello Saturday

Hi Sweetheart,

Just at work waiting for things to get going. Thanks for the time well spent last night. See you later and fly safe.